Still A Beautiful Thing

Posted on July 10, 2014 by Cathy Canaceli in , ,
Whenever I find it hard to write, I always visit one blog. That blog with words that makes me remember me, that reminds me of me. The words I cannot say, the words I want to say…

Tonight is that kind of night when I don’t know what to say, when my heart cannot speak but only feels and needs someone to say the words for me. And I went back to read Adam’s blog. And found this.


When did the sky turn black?
When will the light come back?
This fight of my life is so hard, so hard, so hard
But I’m gonna survive
Oh, oh these are beautiful times


These days I feel like I’m not who I should be. I feel very different from “me”.  So many things have happened this year and I feel like I’m being transformed into a different person. My recent illness, bigger responsibilities, life-changing decisions I have to make…  They’re so hard it makes my head ache. J And I don’t know how or if I’d pass the test. And the season is painful.  No pruning is ever easy,  I guess. And this is the most painful pruning I’ve ever been yet. The challenges are way beyond what I thought I could endure. The test of character is way beyond what I thought I could ever handle. And I don’t know if I’d be better or the other way around.

Getting To Know Hope Again

But then I know there is hope. I know it now, not in a fancy kind of way, but in it’s pure form—raw and unadorned, when it’s the most impossible yet the only thing you can hold on to. Just like when the disciples' ship was storm-tossed in the dark of night. Like the third time Peter denied Jesus and probably forgot what forgiveness felt like. Like the time Jesus died on the cross and his followers didn’t know who to run to or what the future holds. I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know even know if I’m making the right decisions for today. I don’t know how to get through, but I know there is hope.

I Hope In Him

I hope in the Lord because He is Hope. Even when the skies are not clear. Even when the darkness of the night stays longer than it should. Even when I can’t see Him or I don’t know how or if He will come through for me. I trust Him because of who He is. The God who saved me before, will save me now. And He will not change.

And I don’t have to ever be afraid of anything. Because of Him and His promise to save, the struggle is still a beautiful thing.


Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver him.”
But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory,
the One who lifts my head high.
I call out to the Lord, and he answers me
from his holy mountain.

I lie down and sleep; I wake again,
because the Lord sustains me.
I will not fear though tens of thousands
assail me on every side.
Psalms 3:2-6

Beginning Again, One Post at a Time

Posted on April 27, 2014 by Cathy Canaceli in

It’s been so long since I last updated the blog. It felt so much like forever. The truth is, as much as I’ve been struggling with time, I’ve also been struggling with what to write. For the long time I’ve been away, I guess, I’ve not been used to writing vulnerable anymore. And it hurts my heart. There’s this little ache that would not go away whenever I think of writing. Whenever I think of the blog I want to go to again, but I keep on running away.

For many years, this blog has been a place where I’ve shared my heart. With truth and without reservations. I hope it will be like that again. I’ve been reading a lot of your emails, messages and comments asking how I’m doing, when I’d write for the blog again.

I hope today is the beginning of Periwinkle Confessions again. :)

The past few months, the Lord has been doing a lot of really great things in my life. Actually, it feels weird but He’s bringing back a lot of things about the past that I’ve not dealt with heads on before. Things that mattered to me, experiences that have hurt me, chapters in my life I have not put closure on. And it feels good (even though most of the time it gets so confusing) that the Lord wants to take care of wounds I had been having all along but which I am not aware, or which I have tried to ignore and forget.

I hope you’d also share this season with me with much prayers. Thank you for being so encouraging!

My bloggy friends and you, my dear readers have been a blessing to my heart. I’m so grateful that I have you in this beautiful and exciting walk with Christ.

Much love and see you around!

Xoxo

Cathy




Do not despise these small beginnings,
for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.
 ~Zechariah 4:10 (NLT)

Just Popping In To Say...

Posted on December 23, 2013 by Cathy Canaceli in
I'm feeling sick today. It's the third day of Christmas vacation, and so far it's been fun. Except that I have flu today and I have no choice but to stay in bed...and stay away from my cutie little cousins who came over to visit.

Anyway, I have to go now. Just popping in to greet you Merry Christmas! Hope you enjoy the holidays and spend more time with Jesus!

I'm thinking about moving the blog to a different platform, and changing the layout and all. Sometimes I think it's time for a change already. :)

Hope to see you again really, really soon!

Much love,
Cathy

When You’re Asking “Where Are The Gentlemen?”

Posted on October 4, 2013 by Cathy Canaceli in ,

I thought today is just an ordinary work day. I grabbed myself coffee from McDonald’s and took the shuttle like how I usually do everyday. I sat on the middle part of the van, the long seat behind the driver and what I didn’t know was that in a few minutes, I would be in for one crazy ride.

If you take the shuttle, you’d know for sure that sometimes it gets so tight “masikip” in there. Today’s ride was exactly like that. But what makes it so different was the only guy who was sitting next to me. He refused to give way and instead kept on pushing his shoulder over mine so that he would keep sitting comfortably, leaning on the back of his seat.  I tried to straighten my shoulders to find a comfortable position, and so that the girl seating beside me wouldn’t get squeezed into the door. But he wouldn’t budge. He kept on pushing. He was so heavy and I couldn’t breathe! I tried to resist but until I got off, I could only shake my head in disbelief. Because every time I resisted, he kept on pushing stronger, forgetting completely that I am girl. And that he is a gentleman.

I know I could've  just moved forward and let him sit there comfortably while I hold on to the edge of my seat. I did that on my first shuttle ride this morning, just before this one—because we were all girls and I was sitting next to an old lady. But this time, I was next to a big guy. And I am a lady. And deep in my heart, I know it was just not right. It’s just not right.

Where is Chivalry?


Sometimes, it breaks my heart to think that we’re losing the “gentleman” in our men. Sometimes I wish we could ask, but then we cannot demand our guys to become gentlemen. We can only inspire and teach. But to have a real gentleman spirit requires a change of heart~for gentlemanliness requires service and sacrifice. To give the elderly lady a seat. To notice that a girl needs to help in opening the door. To offer a hand to someone, to give way, to serve. To become a gentleman means you would need to put others’ comfort above your own, to put selfish ways aside for the benefit of another. And I guess that’s what manhood is all about. Sacrifice, service and love defines a real man.
“Among God’s people we understand that a man is to protect a women; to protect a women’s honor; to protect a woman’s heart; to protect a woman’s reputation; sometimes even to protect a woman’s health, her safety. Guys, that’s our job, God gave it to us. Woe unto the man who fails in that responsibility.”                    ~Dr. Albert Mohler
At times like the incident this morning, or like this afternoon on the train when the guy in front of me pretended to fall asleep because he doesn't want to offer his seat, I wonder if chivalry is already dead..or if not, where are the gentlemen? But I praise God because when I thought that chivalry does not exist anymore, He reminds me that I am wrong.

So wrong.

When A Knight Comes Riding on a Horse

I remember one night I was riding the train alone. A UST varsity player got up and offered me a seat, much to the surprise and wide-eyes of his friends. And then there was this kind construction worker who looked so tired but gave up his seat so the ladies in the train could take his place. And the yuppie on the shuttle who moved and sat on the edge of his seat so the girl next to him could sit comfortably. I also remember my officemates who are kind enough to open doors, carry heavy things and fall in line to buy our tickets and make sure we get home safe.

It’s so beautiful to find that there still exists what we hope for: Men who are kind and helpful. Men who chooses to serve. Men who stands to fulfill their role as a true gentleman. It's so heartwarming to find that there are still men who cares about a woman’s comfort and values her heart.  Men who have the character and heart of Jesus.


And so I guess today, I would pray that our culture would encourage this gentleman attitude in our men and teach them to our young boys. I pray that girls would not forget to be grateful and supportive of those who still chooses to offer these little sacrifices and help. I hope that one day, our nation would be changed as men takes on the challenge and the responsibility of a godly man--willing to love and sacrifice even if it would sometimes mean denying themselves and being inconvenienced to serve others.  I pray that we would all perform our part as men and women of God in this generation.

Let me end with this beautiful words from Cole Ryan. I hope every man would read this and find in their hearts to desire to become real gentlemen.

“Being a ‘gentleman’ goes way beyond holding the door for a girl and letting her go first all the time. It’s about truly serving her. I think when it comes to the way we should treat women, it’s a good idea to look to the way Jesus treated women.

He laid his life down for His bride. He sacrificed His life for her, He lowered Himself for her. We must love women sacrificially in the same way that Jesus loved His bride sacrificially.

Being a gentleman is about more than just being caring and thoughtful, it’s about possessing sacrificial and selfless Christ-like characteristics. I don’t even know if it’s possible to be a gentleman without knowing and possessing the character of Jesus.”

Amnesia Girl

Posted on September 29, 2013 by Cathy Canaceli in , ,

tumblr_mbv59lRC2z1r8fqy9o1_400_largeIt’s not easy to forgive. Every girl who has been hurt knows that.

 

I remember a time I got hurt by a friend I had trusted so much. I didn't know it would hurt that bad when a friend leaves just like that, with no explanation at all. I wondered how a friend could just stop being your friend after everything. It was unbelievable--like a movie, only that it was happening in real life. And it's much more painful than I've ever imagined. I felt betrayed like arrows were speared at my heart when I was not looking, right at my most vulnerable moment. I felt bad why I've ever opened and given my heart to people. I wanted to forgive but it’s just hard!

 

I've tried everything. Remembered the good things. Recalled the fond memories. I imagined what would it be like when I meet the person again someday. Would I be able to smile and say “Hello! It’s so nice to see you”? I knew to forgive was the right thing to do. So I practiced—to smile, wave my hand and greet with my usual happy tone. But it was just hard! Because deep in my heart I was really hurt and I couldn’t pretend I'm okay. And I found myself rehearsing lines from a famous movie instead.

 

tumblr_mg795htz6W1qgja5vo1_500_large

“Who are you? I'm sorry if I can't remember you...”

 

As crazy as it seems, I was so angry, unforgiving and hurt that I wanted to pretend I have amnesia the next time I meet the person who offended me. I just didn't know when and how I could forgive.

 

But God, He's so different, so forgiving! No matter how many times we've hurt Him in the past, He doesn't rehearse movie lines pretending He has forgotten us. Instead He forgives us. He pardons our sin and hurls our iniquities to the depths of the sea. He does not stay angry forever but shows us His compassion and unfailing love.

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And when I look at His love for me and how much He has forgiven me, something in my heart begins to change. Suddenly, I want to be like Him and my grudges seem so small and childish. I ask myself how can I not forgive after God has forgiven everything inexcusable in me. Suddenly, I don`t want to be amnesia girl anymore.

 

When we allow God`s love and forgiveness to wipe away our sins and overflow in our hearts, everything begins to change. His love wipes the bitterness away. And when we see ourselves as God`s forgiven children, we begin to understand what it means when He asks us to extend the same grace and love He has showered us extravagantly with. We`ve been forgiven and He wants us to extend the blessing. And when we do, the bitterness melts away and what remains is love, freedom, peace and the strength to forgive another day.

 

Who is a God like you,

who pardons sin and forgives the transgression

of the remnant of his inheritance?

 

You do not stay angry forever

but delight to show mercy.

You will again have compassion on us;

you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities

into the depths of the sea.

 ~Micah 7:18-19

 

Photo Source:

1, 2 & 3

Strength Will Rise

Posted on July 17, 2013 by Cathy Canaceli in , ,
tumblr_mavl2kcYsH1qhurlto1_500_largeI feel so tired today. I just got home from work and I can’t even force myself to do the things I need to do. Yes, I don’t even have the strength to walk to my room or to go to the bath. ^^

Tomorrow…is another day. Another work day. But even though I’m almost dead tired tonight, tomorrow is filled with hope~beautiful hope.

Sometimes I wonder and just can’t help but be amazed where all the strength comes from to travel for more than four hours a day, to and from work. Almost everyday, I come home really, really tired but it’s amazing how I’m able to wake up early every single morning. It’s amazing how God gives the strength and energy I need to enjoy the purpose and dreams He has prepared and set for my life.

On my own, I’m tired and really out of strength.

But in Him…everyday…

there is strength.

And it never runs out.^^

Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.


 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31

Good Morning Tuesday!

Posted on June 25, 2013 by Cathy Canaceli in ,
It's Tuesday and I'm already in the office. Glad that I arrived 15 minutes earlier than call time. Travel has been stressful for me the past few days. It's back-to-school season in the Philippines and so traffic is heavier and I need to wake up 30 minutes earlier than usual.

I haven't told you yet that I'm working for a Christian broadcasting network in the Philippines now. Work is just awesome and I love it here! The people are friendly~like family. And I just love the opportunity to serve and love the Lord doing what I'm doing! :)

One thing I appreciate most working in CBN is that we do devotions every morning before work. On Mondays there's chapel time and it just refreshes my heart. I look forward to these times the most. And it's just amazing how productive I become when I start the day right, spending time with the One I love the most, the One I serve and work for. When you make Him the delight and the center of your day, when you put Him first and make meeting with Him your top priority, it's just amazing (and no wonder) that everything feels so beautiful. Everything is beautiful because He is beautiful.

How are you spending your morning today? ^^


That a beautiful thing, God, to give thanks,   
to sing an anthem to you, the High God!
To announce your love each daybreak,  
sing your faithful presence all through the night,
Accompanied by dulcimer and harp,   
the full-bodied music of strings. 
Psalms 92:1-3



Falling more and more in love with Him ♥ ,
Cathy

His Mercies Are New Every Morning

Posted on April 25, 2013 by Cathy Canaceli in , ,
I get so unpredictable at times. I guess, everyone of us has that side of himself that gets so annoying sometimes. It's funny that the more I become conscious about it, the more I begin to fail, the more I do the things I really don't want to. It's annoying. Really. 

Annoying even to me. ^^

Sometimes we end a day in a pretty bad note, in a bad mood or with many mistakes. But it's comforting to know that God offers us a new day~a new morning to start again.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, 
for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
 ~Lamentations 3:22-23

Each day, God offers us to the chance to become a new person, different from who we are yesterday and a step closer to the image of His Son, Jesus! 


So when I am annoyed at myself or when you are annoyed with yourself, know that today, God offers us a fresh start. A new beginning. A chance to start over and become the best person He has meant for us to become. 

His mercies are new every morning. :)